A Refuge Temple Supporting Women’s Lives
Interview with Rev. Shoki Matsuyama
Futetsuji Temple in Himeji City, Hyogo Prefecture—affiliated with the Myoshinji school of the Rinzai Zen tradition—has its origins in “Futetsuan,” founded in 1688 (Genroku 1). Passed down as a convent for nuns, it continues today as a refuge for women, offering counsel to many in need. We spoke with the temple’s head nun, Rev. Shoki Matsuyama. (Interviewed by Koichi Tanaka)
A Zen Dojo for Women
—Could you tell us about the history of Futetsuji Temple?
Its origins date back to the Edo period. It was founded by Den Sute, a haiku poet from Kaibara in the Tanba region, who was deeply devoted to Zen Master Bankei and his teachings on “Unborn Zen.” Before her encounter with Bankei, she had already been ordained in the Jodo (Pure Land) sect, but she converted to follow him. Her determination to change sects speaks to her remarkable conviction—I hold great respect for her.
Futetsuji was originally a training monastery with a Zen meditation hall. It is a rare place in Japan where female Zen nuns could undertake rigorous training. In the male-dominated world of Buddhism, the fact that Futetsuji served as a training temple for women holds historical significance—and deeply connects with the work I continue today.
—You’ve mentioned your desire to make this temple a place where women can seek refuge.
I was born into a regular household, and through experiences of marriage, divorce, and the ups and downs of life, I’ve come to strongly feel the difficulties that women face.
Initially, I simply listened to those who came with burdens on their hearts—hoping the temple could be a place to “unload the garbage of the soul.” But as I reflected on this temple’s original mission to serve women, I resolved to make it a safe haven for any woman in need.
There were times in my life when I felt “I had no place to go.” I couldn’t even cry honestly in front of others. Many women are overwhelmed by responsibilities—be it home, work, caregiving, aging, or loneliness—and they abandon themselves in the process. Even when they carry unspoken pain, they long for someone to simply listen.
This temple offers a quiet space for them to face themselves in peace. I truly believe that the stillness of a temple has the power to calm the heart. When I see a smile on someone’s face as they whisper, “It’s so quiet here,” it reinforces that belief.
Accepting the Past, Embracing the Whole Self
—When we think of a “kakekomidera(refuge temple),” we might picture women fleeing domestic violence or abuse.
Certainly, some come with deep emotional wounds. But in reality, many of those who visit are simply exhausted by daily life—worn down, emotionally frayed.
Women push themselves to be perfect, blame themselves, and continue to fight on while hiding their pain. They often internalize the idea that “it’s all my fault.”
They juggle homes, children, and careers while living under these harsh expectations. That’s why I want to say to them:
Please, don’t convince yourself that “you’re a failure.”
If life feels difficult, it’s not because “you’re weak or incapable.” You’ve been doing your very best, unseen and unacknowledged—and you deserve to recognize that yourself.
—So the first step is to accept yourself?
Exactly. Everything begins with accepting your “present self” just as you are.
That’s why I simply listen—quietly, without judgment, without advice. Anger, sorrow, resentment, despair—whatever emotion it is, I affirm: “It’s okay to feel this.”
Acknowledgment is the first step in healing a wounded heart.
Many carry regret or guilt about the past—“If only I’d done this,” “Why did I say that?” But as long as we keep punishing our past selves, we cannot accept who we are now.
Regret only arises when we look back with today’s eyes. In reality, we did the best we could in that moment, with the knowledge and strength we had at the time. That in itself is enough.
So I tell them:
“Every part of your past—even the failures—is you.”
Instead of denying the past, “embrace” the self who struggled and wandered. That’s what it means to truly “accept yourself.”
If you reject any part of your past, you cannot fully embrace who you are today. Even what seems unforgivable must be embraced with the words, “It’s okay.” Because everything you’ve lived has made you who you are “now.”
Turn acceptance—not perfection—into your strength to live now. That’s what I share with the women who come here.
Removing the Label of “I’m No Good” by yourself
—So your role is to offer support?
Yes, mostly through gentle guidance. And I wait.
I want women to remove, by their own hands, the “I’m no good” label they’ve imposed on themselves.
Everyone has a shadow inside—a version of themselves they see as “flawed.” And when they become consumed by that shadow, they shut down their own possibilities.
But the truth is, there’s no such thing as a “flawed person.” Every stumble, every time you’ve stood back up—it all makes up who you are today.
Even your “inadequate,” “hurt,” or “weak” self—please say to each part, “You’re okay.”
Don’t judge yourself. Don’t blame yourself. Just accept yourself as you are.
When you remove the label and let go of your patterns of regret, your future will begin to open up.
I wait and pray that from there, each woman will find her new path and begin to walk it herself. Waiting, too, is a form of support. Because human transformation doesn’t happen overnight.
Just Being—As Buddha-Nature
—In your book “The Nun of the Refuge Temple”, you mention “the great energy of the universe.” Is that a kind of divine experience?
Yes. I describe it as the great energy of universe — something beyond our control. It’s the force that drives our breath and heartbeat. We don’t need to worry about “how to live”—we simply receive this energy.
It’s a power that comes from beyond us. To me, it’s what I call “the great energy of the universe.”
It’s something I truly feel.
Just waking up, moving your legs, using the toilet, hearing birdsong—these ordinary moments are drenched in grace. “Being just here” as Buddha-nature itself is pure bliss. I don’t know if this qualifies as “enlightenment,” but I feel joy so deep I could dance just being able to do these simple things.
This joy is the foundation of my philosophy—of “dancing through life.”
Facing the Question of Death
—You also work in end-of-life care?
Yes. I’ve been walking alongside “death” for over 30 years now.
It began with the death of my grandfather, then my father, my own near-death experience, my grandmother—and many others through my work.
These experiences have led me to continually ask, “What is death?”
We never know when, where, or how it will come. Even if one doesn’t pass away “ideally,” I hope they can live without regrets.
I believe we should learn deeply that we cannot control life—and that every moment before death is still part of life.
“How we live until we die” is each person’s unique truth.
So in my end-of-life care, I place great value on respecting each person’s way of living, right up to their final breath.
It’s natural to fear death. But perhaps what we truly fear is not living fully.
My hope is that those who come here will experience what it means to “live their own life” until the end—while I quietly stay by their side.
To live well is to face “death”—and thereby treasure “the present moment.” I want to share what I’ve learned from end-of-life care with many people.
Helping Women Feel Alive Again
—Finally, what are your hopes for the future?
This temple welcomes not only adults but also children from time to time. Both adults and children need a place to feel calm—a place where they can return to themselves.
Going forward, I want to continue activities that bring smiles to women’s faces—centered on the themes of “delicious,” “joyful,” and “beautiful.”
I believe that when women regain their vitality, society as a whole will flourish.
Profile
Shoki Matsuyama
Head priest of Futetsji Temple (Myoshinji School of Rinzai Zen)
Born in Fukuoka Prefecture. Married and gave birth during college. Later divorced and raised her child as a single mother.
Pursued a career in nursing and worked as a hospice volunteer.
Encountered Zen at age 37 after facing the limitations of medical care.
Ordained at 48 and became temple head in 2016 after rigorous training.
Author of “The Nun of the Refuge Temple” (Futabasha Publishing).
